I feel as though I’m living in a world that’s crashing down and somehow I survived. Its like a collapsing house and I’m making my way from room to room and I’m lucky enough to not have the roof falling on top of me. Each time I move, I leave behind a mess and when I look back it scares me. The splinters and breaks in the wood stick up and then the flames blare and its like I’ve stepped into a nightmare. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t moved. I had just stood there and gone down with the mess.
Never before have I been so afraid of living. I’m terrified of living and in all honest truth I don’t want to live anymore. The thing I regret most is not dying that night, I wish that I had cause the shit I have to go through now, I don’t know if its worth it. I’ve heard people tell me that “wow, your really wise for such a youngster” Its cause I’ve been through a lot more than most youngsters have been through. I’ve had gone through it all, mental illness, physical illness, eating disorders, fucked up friends, relationships way beyond repair and drugs. None of these things are a stranger to me, and im only 15.
Losing you is like getting stitches for a really deep cut. Its left scar tissue all over my heart, and since scar tissue is numb, my heart cant feel a thing anymore, not for anyone.
It may be hard to hold yourself together when the rest of your world is falling apart but its what you got to do to get back on track. You have to be the one who stands up, puts on a brave face and starts walking again picking up the pieces along the way because no one else can.
If I could just stay attached in your arms forever, I would be truly happy for the rest of my life.
Have you sat on the pavement and just stared at the world and it beauty, without realization that hours have flown by and that the suns place in the sky was slowly sinking ? Moments like that are the best. Watching the world go by, wondering when to jump in knowing that at anytime I could.
Sometimes I wish I was plastic. Durable, full of potential and just has everything sliding off of its surface
We shouldn’t need a man to complete us but to complement us. We shouldn’t need men like water but how elephants need skateboards. Why do we need guys when we have the amazing friends that we do. Sure getting your heart broken is overwhelming but all you gotta do is let your hair down, stretch your legs and say something so deep and devastating that it would make HIM regret the decision he made.
Time is all we need to heal. Time to think, to look back on, to look forward to, to relax, to meet new people. We need time to spend with our friends and family. But sometimes, time doesn’t solve anything. The unspoken words grow larger and darker while it boils in our stomachs in which case the wounds left behind just get deeper.
Over mountains and valleys, way beyond any form of civilization is where I reckon I would find peace, lying in the grass looking up at the sky, clear and blue listening to the silence which surrounds me. Drowned in my own thoughts and memories, screaming out all my heart ache, my mistakes, my darkest secrets for no one to listen to just to get it off my chest. After I’ve forgiven myself for being a bitch all my life I’ll just lay there with no regrets or sorrows. Just leave behind the world which created a monster out of me.
If you still love him, why don’t you take him back ? Its cause I wouldn’t have the heart to break his again. Seriously, how much pain should you put a person through. 8 months worth of it is enough as it is and that got nowhere at all.
Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our impatience then it races like a gazelle when we cant catch out breath - Adult Joe Wenteworth
