i let it slip ..

i made myself believe that as long there was a kiss, it wasnt gonna be our last kiss. thats over now cause it was a kiss on the cheek. i've let my chance slip away and i dont think it'll come back, i'll have to wait and see.


i was watching this movie today where the guy just sleeps around with these women and still doesnt fall in love with any of them. i'm wondering how its possible to have sex with someone, something so intimate, and walk away without any feelings. fuck man, why do people do that? how can you walk away from someone thats in love with you after leading them on day after day after day.



everything you did, someone else did better, did what i expected and what i wanted. it really made me realise that you dont love me anymore, you honestly dont have any feelings left and it hit me hard. im 99% sure that you dont have feelings for me but im gonna hang on cause its the 1% that keeps me hoping. i was wondering about what was going through your head during that time and if you actually ever wanted a 10, or was it purely for your own pleasure.


fuck man, what did i get myself into this time, i dont think it was worth it.


i want to be that girl. you know the one he's afraid to live without. the one he will always chase after afraid of losing them. i want to be the one you come to get laughs out of, to smile with, to cry on, to sleep on, just to be the chick you come to when you need anything at all :]


hey greek, keep me safe.
and your guardian angel duty day has been reallocated from tuesday to friday =D

thank you.

it was the weirdest sensation when a complete stranger in a crowd of hundreds picked me out and told me to smile. so thank you ali, you of all people was the first to notice that i was down and that was just after you glanced at me once. you told me to cheer up cause i looked too emo and you just saying that made me smile, i finally realised that i wasnt invisible that even though you might not know me, or care about me you noticed me there in a crowd so packed and was kind enough to say something :]

THANK YOU OSMOND FOR BEING SO AMUSING IN HISTORY LOL (L). you could turn half of angela's speech into four minutes =P. ipt was good today, i finally was "reunited". you made me feel as though i was wanted as well and it was a pretty amazing feeling. you asked questions about how i was feeling and didnt just talk about yourself like alot of others with complete ignorance to my feelings :) i didnt realise how caring you were until today and how much i actually missed talking to you. hope you get better and ill put in more pictures next time :P :D

i like this blogging thing, its so much fun :)

closer.

i honestly tried my best. i did all i could think of to get things back on track but you seemed to avoid all my efforts. i dont understand why you continue you ignore me and i'm always the one trying to make conversation. i kinda put things in perspective now and i'm no longer gonna embarrass myself and put in so much effort to get back someone who doesnt care. i know you'll be pissed after reading this, i know you're gonna hate me even more but its how i feel, i want to let you know that i was trying. i dont know whether or not you care any longer if we have a friendship but i do/did.

the next song i dedicate to you moonira (although some parts are a bit sexual, you'll get the main jist of it =P) totally love you (L)

Missin' You - Trey Songz
I can't stop missing you.
Wish I was there with you.
I can't stop missing you.
No, no, no, no.
I can't stop missing you (no).
Wish I was there with you (with you).
I can't stop missing you.
No, no, no, no.

I miss the way you kiss,
miss the way you wear them heels and make it switch.
Miss the way your hair blows in the wind.
And I miss you staying here 'til the morning,
Miss the way you put on your makeup.
Miss the way you love me too much.
It's everything about you baby.
Wanna know where you been lately.
Do you go out?
Do you still live at your old house?
Do you got somebody new in your life?
'cause I can't get you out of my mind.

And I wanna erase,
but I can't stop seein' your face.
And every girl I try to replace you with.
Why can't I get over it?
Simply cause I can't...

I can't stop missing you (can't stop).
Wish I was there with you (with you).
I can't stop missing you.
No, no, no, no.
I can't stop missing you (can't stop).
Wish I was there with you (with you).
I can't stop missing you.
No, no, no, no.
I can't stop...

missing everything you say,
missing all the crazy love we made.
Why'd you throw it all away?
I want you to know
It's been hell tryna do this without you here.
Baby, '07's supposed to be our year.
You confront my worst fears.
And I had my doubts,
every time you was going out.
'cause I knew you were telling me lies
and I can't get that outta my mind.

Wish I Could wake up and forget about you.
Not try
to call you when I know I want to
(Oh Wish I)
I gotta fight this feeling.
(Wish I)
Can't let it take over me.
(Wish I)
You just don't understand how much you were a part of me.

I can't stop missing you.
Wish I was there with you (with you).
I can't stop missing you.
No, no, no, no.
I can't stop missing you (can't stop).
Wish I was there with you (with you).
I can't stop missing you.
No, no, no, no (I can't stop, I can't stop missing you).

i'm back into music now as my escape. there was a period of time like these past few weeks where i barely listened to music and now im absolutely dependant on it again. since monday night i feel as though i'm incomplete without my music and now i like to express how i feel through songs, its so much easier. it amazing thinking that thoughts so simple could be expressed with such melody and detail. it's good knowing that you're not alone with these feelings, that others can feel like this too.


the bench is still there where we left it, thought you should know.

fuck man.

what is wrong with me? why am i sitting here crying about you? i love you, thats why. i really want it to be us again, just the two of us. one year man, its not what i thought it would have been, it was so much better. i remember when it was the other way around, now the tables have turned and im sitting here wondering what the fuck i'm supposed to do. why cant we be friends? why goddamit. thats what i regret most, why we cant still be friends, its what i want most of all; a friendship. now i wonder whether or not you really care about me, if you would do what i'd do for you. please dont tell me its too late, cause it's never too late. better late than never. never isn't an option, i dont want it to be an option. one day man, one day. its not over yet cause i haven't given up, im not going to give up. i cant forget everything that's happened, i dont want to, i want all of what we're going through now to be worth it. i cant say anymore that i want you to be happy no matter who you're with, i cant say that anymore cause its not true. right now i feel as though i could wait forever for you, it doesnt seem so impossible. i never thought i could feel like this about anyone and its for someone whos broken me down into several shattered pieces. you'll always be a part of my heart, you know that.
but when you told me how ever long ago it was that i'll always be a part of yours, im wondering if it still applys.

theres the two of us left behind now and i know its war, let the nuclear bombs drop

if you are reading this please say something to me, anything at all. i need to know what you think, how you're feeling.

pieces of me

i love this song by ashlee simpson (L)

On a Monday I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cause you’ve come to rescue me

Fall, with you I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath
I hope it last

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It's as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody and messy
I get restless and it's senseless
How you never seem to care

When I'm angry you listen
Make me happy it's your mission
And you won't stop till I'm there

Fall, sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom crash
You're all I have

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It's as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know
Everything I'm about to say
Am I that obvious
And if it's written on my face
I hope it never goes away
Yeah

On a Monday I am waiting
And by Tuesday I am fading
Into your arms
So I can breathe

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It's as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the Pieces, pieces, pieces of me


i dont know whats going on, why i'm feeling like this. i hate it how you were right greek and i look back and i'm wondering if it was worth it. i know it was wrong to do but i still went through with it and now i feel so low. i hate how that even after what i found out i still didnt say anything, i was stupid enough to fall back into your arms. i hate how i have no control over my feelings for you, its not fair how you can stop yours but i cant stop mine. ill let you in on secret, my heart did beat faster every time you said something but i didnt want to give you the satisfaction of making me feel like that. i thought about it long and hard, cried over it for hours and i still dont know what to do. its hard for me yeah cause i see you everyday and i will keep seeing you for the next few weeks, i never actually got the chance to get over you because out of sight out of mind doesnt work, you're always there.

i think me and you are playing a game, trying to see which one wins but believe me, its not getting to me but i know for sure that its gonna piss you off. wait a little longer and i'll show you my victory :]

it was an interesting morning, the trains were delayed by half an hour and the train i got on, IT DIDNT STOP AT GLENFIELD :O i was so shocked bro so i had to go to holsworthy with G, maruf, mahadi and ahmed. we got off at holsworthy and then i got them to catch the train back to glenfield with me so it was alright :D AND G YOU BETTER NOT GET MORE THAN 6 DAYS SUSPENSION !

p.s. thanks for the arvo shae and rach, awesome time (Y)
p.p.s. SHAVE ON MONDAY NIGHT GREEK

taxed off amy's blog

i got really bored and pissed, i had nothing better to do



Ever felt like you're not good enough?
especially today

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
yeps

Do you miss anyone?
definitely; every minute

Do you think two people can last forever?
not without alot of heartache

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment?
i am terrible at receiving compliments

Is there one person you look at and automatically smile?
mhmmm

When was the last time you were unhappy with your life?
right now

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever?
living in hell would be easier

Is there a time you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
exactly one year ago

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
running through my mind right now :P

Are you cheating on someone right now?
nopes

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?
mhmmm

When is the next time you'll hug someone?
tomorrow morning

Are you nice to everyone?
im a chick, what do you think ?

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
oh yeaaah ;P

Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?
couple of peeps. you know who you are.

Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
several things

Did your parents spoil you as a child?
i dont really remember....

What do you feel weird without?
my eyebrows

Do you brush your hair with a comb or a brush?
both.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
4-5 hours

Do you like funny people or serious people?
funny people, they're funny :L

What are you listening to?
nothing

Are you wearing any make up right now?
nahhh

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
dont ever wanna go through that again

Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
YES ehehehe its so much fun :L

What is your biggest regret?
secret :]

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
rajeev

Have you ever cried from being so mad?
mhmmmmm

Do you have trust issues?
yeah

Expecting something to change in the next month?
praying for it to change actually

What is the most difficult thing you've ever had to overcome?
love

Are you an argumentative person?
i hate being wrong :P

Have you talked about marriage with another person?
yeah bro, those were the days :L

Could you ever be friends with someone who hurt you badly?
yes >>

Do you believe exes can be friends?
quote lizzie's blog "ex lovers can only be friends if they're still in love or never were"
i strongly believe in that.




I LOVE YOU MOONIRA. BEST CHICK IN THE WORLD BABY (L)
pep talk me again :D

not even in the slightest

its a game now, so lets play. game on bitch.





fuck yeah it hurt, it killed bro, i was dying inside and breaking on the outside. you dont get it do you, you never did, you still dont and i dont think you ever will. when you do think though that you got it, please let me know i want to congratulate you cause after a whole year of trying, another lucky chick got it through to you.




its like jenga. one block out of place and it all comes crashing down. damn, my life must be several jenga towers cause it all collapses down one by one and i dont get a chance to build it back up. well its getting better now, its not as bad. everything's slowly making its way back.




remember that feeling? that took over your senses. all you could smell, see, feel, hear and touch was them. i miss that feeling, being overwhelmed by someone elses emotions and body.




i loved it how i was your world. i hate it now cause with everyone in my life i come second, even if they're first to me, i'll be coming second. i want to be number one to someone, someone who will drop everything they're doing because i needed something. i want to be someone's world, no i want to be YOUR world.




please dont take away anymore from me than you already have.




it was our day
it was my best friend
it was the only night i was looking forward to




i dont remember how in love i was until i fell out of it. i read my past blogs and i was so in love, i was so happy and my life seemed so....perfect. you made me so happy and so on top of the world, i know it sounds cliche but its true. thats what i felt like and now im in the pits.




how can you keep doing this over and over again? dont you get tired breaking promises, crushing my hopes and putting me in misery? i dont get why I still put faith and hope in you when i know its just useless and lining me up for another disappointment.




you keep shooting me down but i refuse to stay down. everytime the gun fires and i fall to the ground i get back up steadying myself for the next fire. you fail to miss and i fail to not trust you to put the gun down and come over to heal my wounds.
you will always be a part of my heart, so unless you try otherwise you can't put it back together.




i keep waiting and i dont even know why.




you make me happy but you dont seem to notice. i dont think you see how much you mean to me in my life or how much i try to keep you happy, to keep you around in my life. i try my best to please you, to be there for you, to listen to all your heart ache, to all you joy even if its crushing me. i know that you're looking out for me, that you dont want me to get hurt but please just let me be free and do what means most to me. all i can ask from you as my best friend is please dont be pissed at me and just be there for me when i get screwed over, your a guy dont you understand that your species will always be making me unhappy ?




why do i feel as though we're drifting apart?




i'd stay up every night until 230 to teach you science just so it meant that i spent another night webcamming with you.





thank you furry, i couldnt have gotten through today without you, you made it awesome (H). i shall be stalking you now :D


thank you the rest of you that put a smile on my face :] especially shae crawling through the cat flap LOL