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farhin ahmed, but they call me chickie. i will make 2010 awesome.

Sunday, June 7

fall in line

i was vain enough to think that love didnt hurt. when i first fell in love i didnt know that it could cause me so much pain, i thought it was all smiles and fun. i was so wrong. i dont know why im hurting so much. its not the fact that im in love with you, its the fact that you dont love me back. i remember making a promise that i'd forget about you, that you wouldn't be so much as a thought in my life but i dont think thats happening. now you're all i think about and it sucks cause i dont want to, you're not worth it. i felt so comfortable when i was with you, and when we are together it feels like year 8 again. its just that sometimes i fail to forget the past and thats what brings me to hate myself, more than i hate you. AND GAAH this is what i dont get, how i can hate you so much but i would still give up everything for you. when someone does something terrible to you several times you're spose to hate them and never think about them again other than when your planning your revenge. wrong, not with me. i want you more than ive ever wanted anything before and i love you more than ive loved anyone before. you and her make me jealous, incredibly jealous. everything you guys have is what i want. i dont want it to be awkward, i dont want to remember what we had, i dont want to remember the shit we got ourself into, the stupid things we did. i want to start again but i dont know if your gonna let that happen.

i really want to talk to you, but when it actually comes to the moment, nothing comes out. you were what was on my mind and what we did is what was bothering me. i love you and thats all i can say. i cant say anything else about you except that and i dont why. i dont know how else to describe what i feel for you.




please please please dont do this to me.

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